說不出了

從試探中抽絲剝繭、希望獲得一些暗示或者更直接的答案，因為我們都已經漸漸沉默，可是最終還是得靠自己從夢裡尋找答案，好像已經對它產生依賴了，睡前總要禱告著讓我夢見他，我希望跟他說話，我需要線索，我希望可以藉由線索幫助他，最近我好希望我有畫畫的天份，這樣我就可以將夢境轉為實體，我就可以看見他了。有時候覺得，這樣天馬行空的想像和行事，好像瘋子一樣，可是卻不能確定自己是不是真的如此，既然也不知道怎樣會更好，那就暫時先這樣吧！

因為也不知道還能說些甚麼，可能說甚麼也不再有幫助了，自己決定吧！只能安慰自己，至少我還擁有關於一切的自己，包括對我的心、我的身體、我的每一個決定。

原本畢的火熱推薦，卻意外讓我想起我最喜歡Gaga的Speechless，喜歡的原因是因為故事和其中的歌詞，當他爸爸患了心臟方面的疾病時，因風險而拒絕手術，所以Gaga寫了這首歌，希望他爸爸重新思考進而接受手術，最後，他爸爸完成手術逐漸康復了；可是現在聽著這首歌的我，卻不知道康復是甚麼。如果可以感受到尚未接受意識判斷的意念，我希望我還有力氣可以努力把握，也許那不會是一個容易的任務，但人生有時候也許就是需要一點勇氣去闖，就像她說的，人是如此脆弱，但當瘋狂到一種極致的時候，就會昇華成藝術了。

Speechless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HvURBhMGE

I can't belive what you said to me
Last night when we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up
I can't believe how you looked at me

With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies

Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?

I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless
I'll never love again

Oh friend you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

I can't believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams

On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams
I can't believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He's gonna get you and after he's through
There's gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends

I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

I'll never love again
Oh friend you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

Hooow?
Haaaa-oooo-wow?
H-ooow?

And after all the drinks
and bars that we've been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we've been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?
If I promise boy to you

That I'll never talk again
And I'll never love again

I'll never write a song
Won't even sing along
I'll never love again

Hooow?
Why you so speechless
You left me speechless, so speechless

Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You've left me speechless

Some men may follow me
But you choose "death and company"
Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh

今天是土地公生日，我想土地公應該心情會很好，願意實現我的願望，所以到廟裡拜拜時我許下我有點貪心的宏願，並真誠的、迫切的希望可以實現。